Do dress codes still exist?

The Met Ball (or the ‘Fashion Oscars’) has a long history of mind-boggling dress-to-impress codes, but the latest – ‘White Tie and Decorations’ – has even the most seasoned partygoers scratching their heads.

The United States Protocol: The Guide to Official Diplomatic Etiquette says that ‘decorations’ refers to “military and civil medals and awards”, much to the relief of Yeezy and Sarah Jessica Parker, who will no doubt be dusting off their Indigo Hearts for the occasion.

Others argue that the whole point of white tie is to look timeless and unembellished, sans decorative baubles, while Women’s Wear Daily reports that this most prestigious of dress codes requires “white-coloured mother-of-pearl studs and cufflinks” and black socks.m

Given the confusing mixture of get-ups inspired by last year’s raucous punk theme, we expect to see a few alternative takes on the code come Monday when the lavish $25,000-a- ticket event takes place at the Devil’s Lair Anna Wintour Costume Center in New York. The whole thing is so utterly exhausting that we’ll take future invites stipulating ‘White Tie and Decorations’ to mean one thing: stay home.

When dress codes are such a minefield to navigate, why even bother having them? There’s such freedom of dress these days in the office that it seems ludicrous when we’re expected to rein in what we wear on the weekend. They’re well meaning, sure, but isn’t it patronising when an overeager host sees the need to tell us when and when not KingGee shorts are appropriate?

Among the myriad options to be printed on the party invite, there’s ‘business’, ‘semi-casual’, ‘informal’, ‘semi-informal’, ‘smart casual’, ‘cocktail’, ‘black tie’ and the kiss of death, ‘black-tieoptional’. You just have to read theWikipedia entry for ‘informal attire’ to get an idea of how ridic things have gotten – "informal attire is more formal than casual but less formal than semi-formal. It is more presentational than semi-casual, but offers more room for personal expression than semi-formal dress. Informal should not be confused with casual, not even smart casual." Say what?

On the one hand, dress codes exclude a huge part of the decision-making process, yet annoyingly, no actual sartorial advice is ever offered, which can complicate matters even further. You never get “Why not wear Radiant Orchid? That’s very in these days,” “Don’t wear taffeta lest you want to look like your teenage self headed to the formal,” or “A tie doesn’t mean a Simpsons or Family Guy-themed one,” just a whole lot of vague. Who’s the authority on the matter? Having no clue how others will interpret these dictums can make you feel cripplingly insecure. And there’s nothing more arrogant than erring on the side of casual and assuming the rules of dress do not apply to you.

As well as being frustratingly non-specific, dress codes can create the most oppressive and fascist atmosphere in terms of fashion, second only to the dreaded fancy-dress soiree. This is particularly the case for women, who seem disproportionately affected by dress codes that imply acceptable amounts of cleavage and skirt-length proprietary. With their list of implied don’ts, they seem rather fussy and terribly old hat (or should that be fascinator?).

As we get into a tizzy around coattails and open-toed sandals, we propose doing away with draconian dress codes (or following them as sparingly as possible). Why toe the sartorial line when you can dress up as your own individual? After all, the only things you ought to be thinking about really are practical considerations such as the weather forecast and your own comfort level.

A while back, dressing too casually at a fancy-pants establishment had the same effect as second-hand smoke – you ruined everybody else’s experience. Yet these days – in a time when four-figure relaxed-fit jeans and fugly flats are in Vogue, quite literally – that hardly stands. The next time you read a dress code that seems deliberately construed to confuse you, make like fashion radical Madonna at the Met Ball and don bunny ears and fanciful bubble skirts whatever the invite says.